||[Jan. 1st, 2005|03:26 pm]
Lately no matter what I say, it seems to be taken the wrong way. What the hell am I doing that’s wrong? How can one thing sound like another to someone else? If I say duck, why to they hear jump?
So… I would like to state, here and now… that the below post was about ME more than anyone else. I’m allowed to be afraid, and I’ve had some of those fears for a while now. This situation with Nia and Kuro just brought them to the surface and made me think about them. So, in turn, it was either let them sit within me again and fester, or rant them out into the open. It’s what I do! If I don’t they will eat at me and get me depressed.
Why… does no one see that?
Matt is especially bad with this. He seems to think that the opinions of a few people actually matter! I mean, he doesn’t damn well know any of my friends, so what his problem is I don’t know. Why he can’t just let me rant things out in piece and just leave them alone, I don’t know…
Because he does know that I do that. If I feel an emotion strong enough I will rant about it if I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. It’s that, or sit in bed and cry it out. And I’d rather write. Though usually it doesn’t make any sense, the things I write. Because it’s just an out-pouring of feelings, thoughts and emotions. Sometimes I use logic, but not always.
My posts… my fears… sometimes I will use examples, and sometimes I will use people as examples because that’s how my mind works. I saw parallels between Kuro and Nia, and Ice and myself. I didn’t think we where exactly the same, I just saw things in their relationship, that would happen in mine… things that never will happen because I won’t allow them. I know this, but still… the fear was there and it needed an outlet.
The intention of that post was just that. To voice a fear, nothing else. I am not that sly. I am not that underhand. I can’t think that far ahead and it never entered my mind that I would help get Kuro and Nia back together again. I took it to heart when both said they needed a clean break and didn’t want to talk about it any more. All I want to do now, is be a friend to them both. Nothing more, nothing less.
I’m so sorry for the misunderstandings… I am just, more sorry than you can imagine.
And to point out… no one need comment on any of these posts. They’re just places I rant. No one needs to answer them, I don’t expect anyone too, and never have.